Career vs. Family: The Tradeoffs No One Warned Me About—And How I Found a Better Way Forward
A friend recently reached out to talk through their next move.
They were exploring all kinds of possibilities: going back to school, aiming for a promotion, or switching jobs entirely. Like a lot of us, they were asking the right questions—but struggling to find clear answers.
Their story brought me back to a time when I was in a very similar place.
From the Outside, Everything Looked Great
I had just been promoted. I was leading high-profile projects, managing a strong team, and earning the trust of leadership. I was even asked to lead a major initiative in another city—and our team was thriving.
It was the kind of momentum people aim for in their careers.
But there was a problem.
I was working 60+ hours a week. I left the house at 6 a.m. and got home at 10 p.m.—every day. I was always tired, always behind, always thinking about the next deadline.
Eventually, it started to feel like success had become a trap.
Then Came the Opportunity That Changed Everything
On one trip, a company partner asked:
“What would you think about starting a new office for us—here?”
I was floored. That kind of offer doesn’t come around often. I thought about my wife, about the life we could build in that city. I told them I was definitely interested.
A few months later, they brought it up again—and this time, we got serious. My wife joined me on a trip. We toured neighborhoods. We started looking at houses.
And we had even more to consider now: she was pregnant.
We decided right then—we were going to do it. A new city. A new office. A new baby. A fresh start.
But when we told my parents, their reaction gave me pause.
“Make Sure You Know the Cost of Going”
That’s what my mom said.
She meant it literally—she was excited to help with the baby and now we’d be hours away. But I heard something deeper:
What are you saying no to when you say yes to something big?
The more I thought about it, the heavier it felt.
Sure, I’d be opening a new office and accelerating my career. But it meant a five-year commitment away from home. Our daughter wouldn’t grow up near her grandparents. We’d miss birthdays, holidays, everyday moments.
I didn’t want to move anymore.
But I also didn’t see a better option.
I Decided to Pressure-Test My Assumptions
I started talking to recruiters. I went on interviews. I wanted to see if there was a way to grow without leaving so much behind.
But nothing clicked.
The offers didn’t fit. Most felt like a step backward. None gave me the same level of leadership or growth.
Reluctantly, we started planning to move again. The excitement had faded—but it still felt like the smartest move.
Then, one day, while sitting in the airport after yet another trip, I got a call.
The Call That Changed Everything
It was a recruiter from a major firm.
“Would you be interested in opening a new office for us… in New York City?”
My jaw dropped.
It was the same opportunity—but in the place we actually wanted to be.
I jumped in with everything I had. I worked hard to become the top candidate, and a few months later, I got the job.
We didn’t have to move away from family. And I still got to take the leap I’d been dreaming of.
What I Learned (And What You Might Too)
If you’re at a turning point—or even if you’re just feeling stuck—here are a few lessons this experience taught me:
✅ 1. Success Doesn’t Always Equal Sustainability
I was thriving—but it wasn’t sustainable.
Don’t just ask if you’re succeeding. Ask how you’re succeeding—and what it’s costing you.
Burnout isn’t a badge of honor. It’s a warning sign.
⚖️ 2. Big Decisions Have Hidden Costs
Opening the new office felt like the obvious next step. But it took my mom’s comment to help me see the tradeoffs.
Every “yes” is also a “no.” Be honest about what you’re giving up.
Sometimes the growth path leads away from the life you want.
🔍 3. Clarity Comes From Testing, Not Just Thinking
I didn’t sit still. I talked to people. I explored. That process didn’t hand me the answer—but it gave me what I needed to recognize it when it came.
Clarity isn’t something you wait for. It’s something you earn through action.
🕰️ 4. Timing (and Patience) Can Change Everything
We were ready to make a move we didn’t want. And then, because I kept showing up, the right thing showed up.
The right opportunity doesn’t always arrive on your schedule. But staying in the game makes all the difference.
What Would You Tell Your Younger Self?
Looking back, I’m incredibly grateful for how it all unfolded—even the hard parts.
They taught me to:
- Think beyond the obvious choice
- Weigh the full cost of “going”
- Trust that the right path sometimes takes time to reveal itself
If you’re facing a tough decision—especially one with competing priorities like career vs. family—give yourself time. Test your instincts. Ask the deeper questions.
For Your Journey: Reflection & Next Steps
Not everyone faces the same crossroads, has the same support, or gets a lucky break. Your path might look different—and that’s okay.
Here’s how you can start clarifying your next step, wherever you are:
🔁 Reflection Questions
- What are you saying “no” to with your next “yes”?
- What does real success look like for you?
- Who can you talk to this week to test your assumptions?
🧭 Action Steps
- List your top 3 priorities (e.g. family, growth, stability, location). Rate how well each option fits.
- Talk to someone outside your usual circle—a recruiter, a mentor, a peer in another field.
- Write down the tradeoffs: what you might gain, and what you might give up, with each path.
The right answer isn’t always obvious or immediate.
But clarity often comes through motion, not just reflection.
💬 Over to You:
Have you ever faced a crossroads like this? What did you learn?
👉 What advice would you give your younger self? Drop it in the comments.
If this resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone who’s weighing a big decision. You never know who might need to hear it.
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